Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
