you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
