Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
