Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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