and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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