one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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