So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
