Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
