Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
