I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
