haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
