He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
