it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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