i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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