i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
