There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
