Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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