so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize