OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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