oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
