you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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