Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
