Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
