so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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