FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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