We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
