i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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