my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
