She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
