I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
