yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
