She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
