Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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