If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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