i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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