she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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