I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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