I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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