you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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