I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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