dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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