I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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