Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize