By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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