it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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