Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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