I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
