Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
