did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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