Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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