its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
