Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
