i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
