You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
