I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
