it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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