I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
