I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
