she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
