i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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