I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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