remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
