guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
