I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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