I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
