I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
