Dual....:-)
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
