u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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