i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
