I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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