my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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