I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize