im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
