Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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