The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
