So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize