i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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